Damage's Done

Now, Im starting to buy and believe their words, as in really really B E L I E V E, for sure. (head nodding NON-STOP)

Anyway, till this moment of time, theres still no Hatred or any Negative Feelings. And I dont wish to develop any. Like seriously, come`on, I was once in love with this person, we shared so many things together, create countless of memories, walked passed numerous of lanes and pathways, been through shocking numbers of incidents together.. we..both laughed, smiled, talked, argued, quibbled, cried and loved before.
See the thing that Im seeing now? Everything..is in a Past-Tense form (ed), now.

Frankly speaking, people who know me should know that I've never been in a BGR for this long, as in for me.. is counted as a woah-shocking months long!
Cause.. I've never wanted an another part in my life, like.. not just yet, maybe?
OhWell, this is life.. Unexpected and Unpredicted incidents dropped and happened halfway through, youve got no choice but to accept it, even without knowing the reason.
Maybe.. this is what we call, love.. no?
Like..everything happens for a reason, yes.. But, love someone with True Feelings is something that doesnt require a specific reason. Like, how can you love someone, just because he/she's smacking good-looking? You'll definitely meet someone with even better looking facial features.
Hmm.. at least to me; I feel that when you truly love someone, deep down from your heart sincerely, no reasons is the best reason of it. Genuinely Love, from one party to another.
Hence whatsoever that I got to know NOW, I wouldnt say its ridiculous.. cause its really kinda like 180° difference. But, I really do appreciate for all these unknown mysterious information from you guys!

I am clear and conscious with my mind now. And.. I've decided that, yes I'll take in those words, but not all, as in all the things that you people have said to me.
Cause afterall, I believed that I am.. wait maybe I should use 'was' instead.
K point is, I was the one who has be with him for almost 9months, I was the one who was experiencing all these things, like his actions, gestures and everything.
I wouldn't say that I know him better than you people, so dont judge him the way you all think it is.
But, I was the one who went through cases and situations, days with him.. so.. hmm. I somehow believe that I kinda know what kind of a person, he is.
Yes maybe, he's acting during those period of time.
Whatsoever I dont care or rather, it doesnt really matter now, for much of a fact. Like seriously, everyone's Fake, no?
We all wear on mask, play as masquerader, depending and varies from scene to scene.
And to me, Im sure even if he were to fake it off during those times with me, there'll definitely still be times, he's being just him, the origin of him.
So, if this love were to be started off sweetly, I'd loved to end this nicely.
Therefore, no matter what.. he'll still remain like how he is, when I love-d him.
I dont and wont mark a stain on this, White Piece of Paper.

Fine.. call me; Silly or named me awful nicks like; Insane Bitch. Can even shoot me in the face saying that; No wonder, Im given the tag of being a Bimbo.
But seriously, 'look at mah FACE, yaw!' Do I look like I care? Na-uh. People who know me, will know that all these terms doesnt affect me or rather wont even disturb a tiny winy bit of me.
Yea, Im just different and Optimistic like that!
But love's an exceptional case.. still, I know that this Pollyanna Soul will always stay in me!

Come to think of that question, people asked me these days.. ; 'Did you regret being with him? Knowing that he is this.. that.. BlahBlahBlah (things blabbering out that I dont even know, thats how he's like? uhuh..)'
My answer's clear-cut--- No, I dont regret, never did and will never do.
Im really Happy when Im with him, as in really really happy.
Im not someone who's like this..
like.. my heart will skip a beat whenever Im gonna meet him,
my heartbeat rate will turn abnormal whenever he look at me, in a certain way (only he knows what I meant, from this),
my actions will turn kiddy most of the times, just to grab his attention when I feel that he's swaying off too far away,
I'd hop around like a rabbit whenever he text me with sweet messages,
I'd smile at myself just by staring at him,
I'd feel super gladly delighted whenever I see my cell screen, with his name Blinking,
I'd feel happy and give out laughter whenever I thought of those moments we shared,
I'd miss him so much when he's not around that, I think.. I kinda smell his perfume,
I'd still be optimistic and smile, even when he's ignoring me.. ,
I'd give up anything and fuck care stuffs when it comes to him,
I'd do silly things for him.. and when I say silly things, I really meant it..as in silly; s i l l y,
I've never wanted to go back to someone once we breakup, unfortunately, I went back to him like.. a million times.
I've never felt my heart ache sooo much that I really cant catch my next breadth (not exaggerating.. People who've been through real heartaches, will understand how I feel),
I love how we waste time together, how we talked about our childhood and how common it gets between us, how we'd always catch all the movies till at times, theres really no movies for us to watch anymore, how we fight then laugh at how stupid our foughts are, how we sit down and talk about everything and anything, how we share our stuffs and past, how we got so used to each other that sometimes we understood, not even when a single word's spill out, how we'd bug on the phone and talk all day long like theres no dark and shine in our day, and most importantly, how amazing it is to spend this 9months with him.

I cant promise, but I'll try to tell myself that this shall be my Last Post for him..
Like, I got to move on with my life, no matter what. Hmm, like DUH, he is happily carrying on without me, and so why cant I, and stop being an Emo-Loser? Hahahaha.
Give me time la deh, I promise-d to search for that Olddd Vinatge Angel's Soul back with me, again k!
The Angel that's gone for like.. 9months?
Yes, its her that Angel.. the way before when I fall in love.

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Yes, even though its over now. I believe you and I felt the special bond we once shared.
Hence theres alot of First Time between You and I.
Like, youve never lasted for this long, youve never do this for a girl before, youve never come back for the same girl.. .. .. and the list goes on.
You; a Zany in love, succeeded in this game with fame of Victory against me; a Jester in love.

So from now on since youre not mine, I've decided to slowly erase you off my mind..
cause I see no point, when Im not and no longer the girl in your mind, and youre still leading your life, as fine.

" its a mark, and it'll be there to turn me nuts "